The art of transition

Become a Future-Ready leader

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 13:33:40 GMT

Let's start by saying that everyone is a leader, and leadership is about choosing to be responsible and take ownership for what happens in our worlds, personal and professional. We develop our leadership by growing the world we are responsible for.

For decades, leadership has often been defined by visibility, authority, and decisiveness, the classic “Leader in Front.”

But what about the powerful leadership that happens behind the scenes, side by side, or in the subtle moments of awareness and creativity?

Here comes the Co-Active Leadership Model, created by Karen and Henry Kimsey-House. This model is multidimensional, inclusive and flexible. It expands leadership into five dynamic dimensions, reflecting the complex demands of today’s world:

Leader in Front (vision and direction)

Leader Behind (coaching, mentoring, championing others)

Leader Beside (collaboration, empathy, psychological safety)

Leader in the Field (intuitive awareness, relational intelligence, sensing systems)

Leader Within (self-awareness, resilience, values-driven presence)

This model supports fluid dance within and across these dimensions, depending on the needs. It is inclusive and adaptive, designed for leaders who need to be agile and responsive in a fast-changing world (Hello AI!)

This model is very relevant for Women Leaders.

Many women naturally embody, or are socially conditioned to embrace, these leadership dimensions beyond the “Leader in Front”:

Leader Behind: championing, mentoring, taking care of others

Leader Beside: fostering collaboration and empathy

Leader in the Field: sensing the unseen dynamics and systemic interconnections

These are not “softer” skills. They are strategic, essential, and critical to navigating complexity with agility. And this is true for organisations and any kind of community.

The Opportunity?

Women, or whoever finds it easier to fit in the different dimensions of the model, don’t need to conform to outdated leadership ideals. Instead, they have the chance to expand what leadership looks like. Organizations need to acknowledge and create space for all five leadership dimensions to flourish, allowing women to lead authentically and powerfully.

Women need to become more aware of these strengths. Interestingly, the McKinsey Women in the Worlplace 2024 report also highlights women's natural strength in leadership that closely aligns with the "leader behind", "leader beside", and "leader in the field" dimensions.

The report shows women often excel in:

People development and mentorship

Collaboration and creating psychological safety

Empathy and emotional intelligence

These styles are strategic, adaptive, and essential in today’s complex and fast-changing world.

What if leadership isn’t just one role to step into or a title, but an opportunity to use our strengths and play with all 5 dimensions collaboratively and flexibly?

Women have always led this way. Now the world is finally catching up.

✨ Curious to explore your leadership style?

The Power of Micro-Boundaries

Tue, 06 May 2025 12:50:45 GMT

The Power of Micro-Boundaries

“At work, there are always emergencies I have to deal with.”

“There’s always something to take care of at home.”

“I’m constantly interrupted when I’m finally in deep focus.”

“I feel guilty when I stop.”

“If I say no, I worry I’ll be seen as lazy or unmotivated.”

Sound familiar?

We know how draining and disempowering these patterns are. We know the cost of always being available and pulled in every direction but our own. And yet, setting boundaries still feels out of reach.

Many of us fall into an all-or-nothing mindset: “I’ll find balance when things calm down... when the project ends... when the kids are older...”

But let’s be honest: life isn’t going to slow down magically. Waiting for the “perfect time” to reclaim your wellbeing is not a strategy worth pursuing.

Moreover, we need to notice the inner saboteurs at play (possibly the pleaser, the perfectionist, or the avoider) and step into a more resourceful and empowering mindset.

That’s where micro-boundaries come in: a realistic and sustainable new approach.

These are small, doable strategies that help you shift from being constantly reactive to feeling in control, bit by bit, moment by moment.

What Are Micro-Boundaries?

Think of them as five-minute power moves, a micro appointment with your most important client: yourself!

They create space to pause, reset, and recharge your energy—even in the middle of a busy day.

Here are a few to try:

The 5-Minute Recharge Ritual

Each morning, take 5 minutes to name your non-negotiable appointment with yourself (a walk, lunch away from your desk, a call with someone who lifts you up).

Say it out loud or write: “This is mine.” It reinforces your right to protect time that nourishes you.

Guilt Reframe

Use the clue of feeling cognitively depleted as an alarm to reframe rest as productive because:

• “…I make better decisions.”

• “…my team gets the best version of me.”

• “…I’m modeling balance for my children.”

Rewires the narrative that rest = weakness.

Practice the “Graceful No”

Draft a kind and confident script, like:

“Thanks for thinking of me—my plate’s full right now, but I’d love to revisit this later.”

Say it out loud once a day.

Builds your boundary muscle so it’s strong when you need it most.

The "2-Minute Transition Pause"

Perfect for meeting marathons, Schedule a 2-minute buffer between meetings (even just mentally, if your calendar doesn't allow physical space). Use that time intentionally to reset before jumping into the next conversation.

Mute notifications and close your laptop for 2 minutes.

Take 3 deep breaths or stretch your shoulders.

“What do I need for this next conversation?”Ask yourself:

Even a short pause breaks the cycle of cognitive overload, lowers stress hormones, and helps you enter the next meeting more present, composed, and intentional.

Why They Matter

Micro-boundaries aren’t just strategies—they’re signals to yourself.

They remind you that your time matters.

And the more you practice them, the more you feel that spark of agency return. You notice the calm. The focus. The energy.

And naturally, you want more.

Experimenting is the only way to learn, so give it try!

Change doesn’t come from big dramatic shifts—it comes from meaningful, consistent steps.

So start small.

Start now.

And let micro-boundaries become your way back to clarity, confidence, and balance.

The Power of Improvisation

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 12:47:57 GMT

The Power of Improvisation!

Growing up, we are taught that preparation and rehearsal are the keys to success. We learn from a syllabus, an externally imposed framework, and practice until we can confidently deliver what we’ve learnt. This becomes our default mode, one that we carry into adulthood.

Preparation and rehearsal can indeed be successful strategies in school, where tests are often based on set topics. Even in our jobs, we know the importance of rehearsal. Whether it’s for a business presentation, an important meeting, or a job interview, rehearsing helps build confidence and provides a solid structure to rely on.

However, life rarely follows a script

More often than not, we encounter unexpected situations, face questions about topics we don’t fully master, and are required to think on our feet. Not knowing can feel uncomfortable because, as humans, we thrive on clarity, security, and predictability.

There are also pivotal moments in life when change is necessary, and we are suddenly faced with the uncertainty of what’s next. There’s no script, no rehearsal, no certainty about what will work. In these instances, the fear of the unknown can leave us feeling stuck, procrastinating, and dominated by limiting beliefs. We focus on problems rather than possibilities.

If preparing and rehearsing aren’t always the best approach, then what is another valuable option?

Improvisation!

Through my work, I’ve been fascinated by the transformative power of improvisation—not only as a tool for performing well in unexpected situations but also as a means to free ourselves when we feel stuck. More broadly, improvisation has the potential to change the way we approach life.

What is Improvisation?

Viola Spolin, the "mother of modern improvisation," defined it as “an experiential process that emphasizes being present in the moment.”

At its core, improvisation is about presence, creativity, and adaptability—embracing uncertainty, building on what’s available, and trusting our instincts. It’s about accessing the knowledge and wisdom we already have and bringing them forward. Whether in performance, conversation, negotiation, decision-making, or moments of uncertainty, improvisation fosters openness, trust, collaboration, and a willingness to take risks without fear of failure.

Wow! Now that’s what I call a powerful tool for life!

But how do we improvise? What are the rules of the game?

✅ 1. Say "Yes!"

In theatre, this means accepting what your fellow actor brings to the scene. In life, it means embracing what is, staying open to opportunities, and noticing the subtle “quantum flirts”—those small nudges life gives us toward possibility that often go unnoticed.

✅ 2. Say “…And”

Avoid blocking ideas or turning them down. Instead, build on them. Whether in a conversation, brainstorming session, or tackling a challenge, adding “and” instead of “but” fosters growth and creativity.

✅ 3. Stay Present

Be in the moment. Listen deeply, with curiosity, and react naturally. Overthinking takes you out of flow; presence keeps you aligned with opportunities.

✅ 4. No Mistakes, Only Gifts!

My favourite rule! Every challenge is an opportunity—you just have to shift your perspective. Don’t second-guess yourself. Trust your inner wisdom and stay in the flow. Confidence comes from knowing that you can turn anything into a gift.

This mindset brings lightness and playfulness to life. True improvisation isn’t about competition—it’s about collaboration. It’s a game where assists are more important than goals. It’s about saying “yes…and” to the people around you, whether they’re colleagues, friends, or family. When you adopt this approach, others are more likely to listen, engage, and co-create with you.

Improvisation is Everywhere

We can improvise in so many aspects of our lives:

Leadership

Negotiation

Interviews

Public speaking

Managing crises

Navigating relationships

Adapting to change

Every day presents opportunities to say yes…and, to stay present with curiosity, to trust our inner wisdom, and to embrace the confidence of knowing that there are no wrong turns—only unexpected ones.

Ready to embrace the improvisation mindset and see how life shifts for you?

Let’s explore the possibilities together!

From fear to trust

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 12:43:32 GMT

From fear to trust!

The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on our mission and purpose. As a coach, I believe in “walking the talk”, so I’ve taken time to reconnect with my "why" over the holiday period.

Here is mine: supporting as many people as possible to move from fear to trust.

I do that by practicing what I call "foundational coaching". It focuses on addressing the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Why? Because lasting change, growth, and transformation only happen when we tackle the underlying issues, our fears.

Clients often come with specific challenges: dealing with a difficult boss, helping a disengaged teenager, feeling bored or unmotivated at work, or struggling in a relationship. While supporting the clients in planning and moving forward is very important, it rarely leads to deep, lasting change. And that is because without addressing the root causes, the same problems will resurface in different forms.

As humans, we are most of the time driven by fear: fear of not being approved, losing control or feeling unsafe. This is how we are wired. And that is ok. But we also have the ability to choose. By becoming "response-able," we can shift from reacting out of fear to leading from love and trust. This shift empowers us to focus on what we can control—ourselves.

Change begins with the understanding that we are the creators of our life experience. It takes courage to embrace this truth, but it’s also incredibly liberating. By stopping spending time and energy in defending ourselves and proving that we are right in front of others, we can go all in, tap into our deeper wisdom and be confidently ourselves.

Over to you now. What’s your "why"? What are you committed to? What is your promise to the world you live in?

These are not easy questions, and the support of a coach would be helpful, but start thinking about your peak experiences, those moments in your life where you were open, present, powerful, full of energy, and excited. What did you feel? What were your thoughts? How did you feel in your body? What were the common themes?

Once you’re clear on your purpose, try to reflect on the "what" (your actions) and the "how" (the strengths and skills you can leverage).

Voila’, you have the most powerful tool: your mission statement.

Investing time in this self-reflection is one of the best choices you can make!

Networking: people helping people

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 14:17:31 GMT

Networking = people helping people

We might not like to hear this, but networking is the key to growing and performing in the job you are in now and it can be the key to finding a job you love. It's the way to get things started and stop procrastinating and "not feeling ready yet". It's sowing seeds. And, it is also a great tool for self-development.

I know. Most likely, words like unauthentic, manipulative, and self-interested come to mind when mentioning the concept of networking. Networking often gets a bad reputation, so I like to think of it as connecting. It’s people helping people, sharing information about yourself, and exploring new possibilities.

The foundation of effective networking is clarity about what you can offer and what you need. This self-awareness will guide you to approach connections intentionally, focusing on quality over quantity.

It helps to consider three types of networks in our life, as highlighted in the Harvard Business Review article “The 3 networks you need”:

Operational: These are people you rely on to perform your current job effectively and the ones that rely on you.

Developmental: Mentors and trusted individuals who provide guidance and personal support.

Strategic: Connections that can help you achieve your future career goals.

Then try to identify which type of networks might have gaps and require your attention the most.

A useful tool is the Constellation Exercise : a graphic representation of your connections in the three different networks.

1 - Grab a piece of paper and draw your 3 current network constellations. Include yourself and map out key connections. Be creative and use symbols (squares, or triangles) and different thickness lines to represent the quality of the connections.

2 - Reflect on:

Where you are positioned?

The number and quality of connections?

Any noticeable gaps or challenges?

3 - Visualize and draw your ideal network constellation. Identify the changes you’d like to see and the relationships you need to cultivate.

4 - Action plan: from this visualization, define three specific steps you can take in the next three months to align your current network to your ideal vision. For example:

Reach out to someone who is already in the kind of job you are interested in and ask for 15 minutes of their time to hear their stories, their likes and their challenges, or their opinion on a particular topic. You can research these people online or by asking your existing connections.

Join professional groups relevant to the possible position or career you are exploring.

If you have mentors, leverage their experience and personal connections.

Strengthen weak connections through meaningful conversations or by offering collaboration.

To summarize: Networking helps in several key ways:

Information Gathering : Provides insights into roles, industries, and opportunities.

Personal Branding : Offers opportunities to refine how you present your skills, values, and achievements.

Confidence Building : Encourages you to articulate your unique strengths.

Visibility : Boosts your presence and helps decision-makers remember you.

If you are in the process of changing jobs, as Peter Drucker reminds us “If you can't measure it, you can't improve it”. So, keep a record of the people you’ve connected with, along with any follow-up actions. Regularly revisit this log to maintain relationships and stay organized in your networking efforts.

Ultimately, people hire people, not CVs. Even if you don’t meet every requirement for a job, your personality and initiative can leave a lasting impression. By nurturing the connections in your personal and professional life, and by sharing with clarity your contribution and your aspiration, you are constantly sowing seeds and tending future possibilities that might open up with time.

Oh! The last thing. Even though connecting with people comes easier and more natural to extroverts, introverts can also find a way to nurture relationships: for example through one-to-one meetings, or by asking someone to accompany them at networking events. Once again, we have to find our way, the way that works for us and is most effective.

Have fun!

Why not be more like your heroes?

Tue, 15 Oct 2024 18:51:07 GMT

Why not be more like your heroes?

Let’s give ourselves permission to explore a bold idea: steal from your heroes! Before you think I’ve lost my mind, let me explain.

As Pablo Picasso famously said,

“the bad artists imitate, the great artists steal” .

We’re not talking about passively imitating or replicating others. That approach is limiting and dangerous.

It’s not about comparing ourselves to others or falling into the envy trap that social media often encourages.

Instead, we’re discussing the power of being inspired: exploring the qualities and traits of those we admire and making them our own in a fresh and original way.

Consider one of your heroes. What is heroic about them?

This is an opportunity to expand ourselves, grow new and genuine parts of our identity, and reach out to play those piano keys that are not straight in front of us, but that are still part of who we are. This is also the secret to tend to our creativity and curiosity about the world and who we can become if we let go of the self-imposed limits for the sake of being authentic. This is explained in the work of Hermina Ibarra in her HBR article “The Authenticity Paradox”. While knowing who you are, developing self-awareness is foundational and extremely important - it’s the first step I take in my program with my clients - it’s equally important to not let the commitment to our true self compromise our growth and development. In other words, we need to expand our story, not be confined by it.

This is my tip for you, inspired by Marshall Goldsmith's latest book “The Earned Life”:

Write down the names of one or more of your heroes

Notice what you admire about them. What values, skills, habits, and tricks could you “steal”?

Now, cross out their names and write yours instead

Be open and curious and notice what idea/aspiration appears. What can you do to embody the qualities that impress you most about them?

This exercise may start as a small seed of an idea. With curiosity, courage and patience, it can give you the clarity to find the next sustainable steps you can take in your personal or professional life.

So, honor your beautiful self, and also be open, to expand your comfort zone .

Embrace the journey of growth and becoming what you have yet to be—and don’t forget to express gratitude to your heroes along the way!

Start the day with a positive mind

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 18:44:08 GMT

Start the Day with a Positive Mind!

As the summer holidays come to an end and the school year begins, many of us find ourselves returning to a more regular rhythm in our work and daily lives. This time presents a perfect opportunity to introduce positive changes that can enhance the quality of our lives.

As a coach, one of my primary goals is to support clients in creating sustainable, positive habits. Our lives are shaped by the routines and habits we establish over time, so it’s essential to cultivate as many positive ones as possible. The one habit I encourage you to experiment with in the next few weeks is the practice of energizing your brain to shift from the autopilot mode of our survival brain to a more optimistic, solution-oriented, and empathetic mindset.

In the Buddhist tradition, the first phase of meditation, known as Samatha, emphasizes mental focus and concentration on a single element, such as your breath. The objective of this practice is to achieve presence, peace, mental clarity, and openness. Positive Intelligence reframes this tradition by suggesting that we focus on any physical sensations (breath, touch, taste, smell…) to enhance our mental fitness. By using these sensations as anchors to bring us into the present moment, we can support a shift from a state of fight, flight, or freeze to a mindset of safety and trust. This shift energizes a different part of our brain, allowing us to think more empathetically and optimistically.

In one of our earlier newsletters, I identified three key factors that contribute to successfully establishing new habits (based on research, working with my clients, and personal experience):

Link New Habits to Existing Ones : By connecting a new habit to an established routine, you create a natural pathway for integration.

Start Small : Breaking down new habits into manageable steps makes them less overwhelming and easier to incorporate into your routine.

Celebrate Your Progress : Acknowledging your efforts and rewarding yourself for small victories reinforces the new habit and keeps you motivated, thanks to the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This positive reinforcement is crucial for long-term success.

Returning to our goal of energizing our brains, mornings, rich with established routines, offer a great opportunity to start the day with positivity. Taking a moment to fill your cup and ground yourself before diving into the day’s demands can make a significant difference.

Here are my tips for you:

Practice Mental Fitness using Existing Routines : Use your morning routines as opportunities to practice mindfulness. For example: when you wake up and put your feet on the ground, notice the sensation of the floor beneath your feet and the weight of your body pressing down. When you wash your face: Pay attention to the water temperature on your skin, the smell of the soap, and the texture of your skin. While making your first cup of tea or coffee, focus on your breath, the warmth of the cup, the aroma, and the taste as you sip. And so on. Use your creativity, experiment and find the ones you enjoy the most.

Explore Your Breathing : If you can wake up a few minutes earlier than usual, consider incorporating a short Samatha meditation. Sit comfortably, with your back straight, and focus on your breathing, notice the air that enters and exits your nostrils, the raising and falling of your stomach. When the mind wanders, bring it back to your breathing. Simple, easy, without judgment. Notice how it affects your state of mind. This practice will deepen your connection to yourself, bring you to the present moment, reduce anxiety, and enhance your mental fitness. Give it a try!

Acknowledge and Celebrate : After these mindful moments, take a moment to acknowledge how you feel and celebrate! No matter how small these practices are, you did it!

So... “Mornings are made of gold”

I couldn’t agree more.

By integrating these practices into your morning routine, you will get mentally fitter, and create a foundation for positivity that sets you up for the day ahead. Embrace the power of small, intentional changes to cultivate a more fulfilling life!

Let's learn to fail!

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 14:33:44 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Let's learn to fail!

Let's start by saying that failing is hard . It threatens our sense of self, often evoking feelings of shame and a fear of not belonging or being accepted.

Our natural inclination isn't to face failure constructively; this fear can undermine our potential and lead us to dwell on negative thoughts, wasting valuable time and resources. Interestingly, we’re often told that failure is desirable, that we must "fail fast, fail often". The problem is that neither approach works because it skips the important step of distinguishing the good failures from the bad.

In her latest book, "The Right Kind of Wrong", Amy Edmondson - the world’s most influential organizational psychologist - creates awareness of the various forms of failure and offers a framework to reshape our habits, enabling us to learn and evolve from these experiences.

Failures are not equal , as the author explains, there are three main categories:

Basic failures , "not the right kind of wrong," occur within familiar circumstances due to factors such as inattention, neglect, or overconfidence. These failures are preventable and typically do not bring new insights or discoveries because they happen in known territories. While accepting our fallibility is essential, implementing systems such as checklists, preparation and training can help mitigate these basic failures.

Complex failures , similarly, do not fall in the category of "the right kind of wrong." They also occur within familiar settings but involve multiple causes and often show warning signs. Additionally, they may involve external uncontrollable factors. To address complex failures, the author advocates for awareness of early indicators and fostering psychological safety, enabling individuals to speak up when warning signs emerge.

In contrast, intelligent failures are "the right kind of wrong". They have four key attributes: they occur in uncharted territory, present opportunities for advancement and learning, are informed by valuable knowledge and do not result in excessive waste. For example, scientists and inventors excel at navigating intelligent failures by approaching experimentation with curiosity and playfulness, aiming to expand knowledge and discoveries within their fields.

My first tip for you is to notice the different types of failure:

1- In the context of basic and complex failures, this awareness prompts us to simultaneously accept our fallibility and humanity while actively working to minimize and prevent them.

2- in the context of intelligent failure, awareness empowers us to embrace these failures as opportunities for courageous growth and learning . This entails first recognizing and addressing the cognitive biases that make accepting failure difficult and then learning to reframe failure as part of the process, as a natural part of growth and exploration.

How do we do that? Here is my second tip .

Our innate response to failure, rooted in the limbic system, aims to protect us from the deep fear of rejection by our social group. The prospect of being cast out triggers intense feelings of unworthiness and undermines our self-esteem. This fear-driven response fuels confirmation bias, blinding us to alternative perspectives and hindering our ability to process information objectively, thus impeding our capacity for learning and growth.

Resulting from various scientific disciplines such as neuroscience, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and performance science, Positive Intelligence presents a life-changing three-step strategy that empowers us to transform challenges and failures into opportunities for growth.

Notice the negative thoughts and emotions we're experiencing, and create awareness.

Support our brain to shift away from a flight or fight state to allow broader perspectives, creative thinking, and innovation by tuning into our bodily sensations (such as focusing on our breath!

Deliberately choose our response - What helps us move forward?

In life, failures are inevitable; there's no guarantee that our efforts will always yield success. Despite our best intentions and diligent work, outcomes may not align with our expectations. We cannot control life, but we can learn to recognize the type of failure we are facing and always choose our response !

As Viktor Frankl wisely stated,

"Between stimulus and response, there is space. In that space lies the power to choose our response. It's within our response that our growth and freedom are found."

I hope these tips will make failing less scary, or dare I say, an opportunity! Let’s continue growing together!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

The power of celebration! To help habits stick and to be kinder with ourselves

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 14:26:50 GMT

The power of celebration!

The power of celebration!

To help habits stick and to be nicer to ourselves

The quality of our habits determines the quality of our lives.

Positive habits sustain our goals, make us proactive in life, instead of reactive, and bring us closer to happiness, well-being, and meaning.

On the other hand negative habits bring us down, and make us feel stuck, unworthy, and incongruent with our plans and objectives. These self-defeating patterns work as automated behaviors that have become ingrained in our mind and body and that we struggle to get unstuck from.

From my professional and personal experience, I know that there are 3 main successful strategies in overriding old and unuseful habits, with positive ones, aligned with our goals and mission.

The first one is “start small” . Try to bring marginal and sustainable adjustment to your routine. Think of the smallest step you know you can commit 100% to that will bring you closer to your goal and just start with it. Don’t judge it for being small. Trust the process, it’s a step in the right direction.

The second one is “habit stacking” . Try to stack that marginal adjustment to something that is already established in your life. Perhaps you want to “power down” after a long day in the office and you decide to leave your phone at the entrance of your home just after you take off your jacket. You have just stacked a new habit to an existing habitual behavior.

Finally, here is the one that is the most important and effective: "to celebrate"!

Numerous studies show that we deal with positive and negative information differently. Negativity bias offered a survival advantage to our ancestors when the threat of rejection from our tribe meant death. We are built to notice more and to be more sensitive to negative information and criticism.

BJ Fogg, director of the Behavior Lab at Stanford, has found that adults have many ways to judge themselves negatively and very few ways of saying “I did a good job”. We focus on the negatives and we rarely recognise our accomplishments.

So, based on the work of BJ Fogg, here is a tip that can become one of your superpowers to support the creation of positive habits and, ultimately, transform your life: the technique of “celebration”. The idea is to create an internal positive feeling on demand to neurologically wire the new habit into our brain.

Try to think of a new habit you have been trying to introduce into your life. Once you're done reading this newsletter define what might be a small increment toward the creation of that habit, do it, and then celebrate yourself in your most natural and spontaneous way. Maybe you will say “Hurray”, maybe you will give yourself a big smile, you will stretch your arms up in the air, or a fist pump. Whatever is your very own way to celebrate, do it and notice how you feel in your body and mind. I bet it will be something related to a feeling of calm, confidence and energy.

As BJ Fogg teaches:

“Emotions create habits and celebration is the best way to create positive emotions that wire the new habit"

Another bonus point about this technique is that it reminds us of and teaches us to treat ourselves more nicely , and to have our own back, a skill with very positive and powerful ripple effects in many aspects of life.

I hope you feel curious and inspired to try this technique and I cannot wait to hear about what you are celebrating!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Time to rewrite your story?

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 13:16:05 GMT

Time to rewrite your story?

Time to rewrite your story?

We all love stories.

A good story creates trust, gives meaning, captures hearts, and connects.

A good story is easily remembered and retold.

Through storytelling, humanity has written history: around the bonfire, painted on cave walls or passed down verbally from one generation to another.

With storytelling, we make sense of events, of the world.

Research shows that stories create such a deep emotional connection that the brain waves of the listeners mirror the ones of the teller.

I use a powerful tool in my coaching practice with all my clients and every time and again it has proven to be one of the most impactful exercises in my repertoire. Inspired by Positive Intelligence, I guide my coachees through an exercise called “the perfectly written story of your life” .

The strong and beautiful assumption and mindset to use through the storytelling of our life is that nothing is ever wasted and that every single event, positive or negative, can be seen as an opportunity and a gift (even though at times we feel not ready yet).

Our life might look meandric and random at first, but by reframing the pivotal moments of our life with this powerful perspective, we manage to:

Make sense of the pieces of our life

Define our identity by finding common threads and clues that help us clarify our values and sense of direction

Rewrite our story in a wiser and more positive way

Create a bigger frame to allow our development.

Help us to completely accept ourselves

Inform us of who we want to become.

So, ready to give it a go? Grab a pen and a notebook and set aside 10-15 min .

These are the steps for the exercise:

Divide your life into 5 main chapters from when you were born until today (organize them in a way that makes sense considering the main events of your life)

Think about the formative and pivotal moments in each chapter, notice your triumphs and failures

Get curious and reflect on how these experiences have shaped you, your values, and your beliefs and helped you become who you are as a friend, parent, colleague, leader, etc.

Ask yourself the question: what is the gift that this chapter gave me, that is still important for me today and will be in the future?

Finally, what might be the main aspects, and ingredients of the new chapter that still need to be written? You have been through all those adventures in the perfectly written story of your life, but, what’s next for you?

Notice the sense of authorship and groundedness that this exercise gives you.

What do you know now about what motivates you?

What impact do you want to have? What are your values?

How do you want to show up?

Here’s a quote for you:

“Sometimes it is only when you see where you have been, that you can tell where you are heading” William Bridges

Make your story your own guide and motivator , find acceptance, belonging, and strength in it.

Give yourself this beautiful gift!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Expand your range - adult development

Wed, 24 May 2023 12:09:23 GMT

Expand your range - adult development

As adults we often believe we are done with growing and changing. However, science, and in particular the concept of neuroplasticity, teaches us something very different. As adults, our brain has still the ability to change. We can learn new things, enhance existing cognitive capabilities and strengthen lost or declining functions.

Coaching is all about adult development

One of the ways coaching allows us to continue growing is by r ediscovering our marginalized skills and strengths . Using the metaphor of a piano, we tend to play only the comfortable keys we find in front of us, the ones we have played many times, even creating a very pleasant (or not-so-pleasant) tune that others are so used to hearing. However, our keyboard is made of many more octaves than the ones we have in front of us, higher and lower in pitch, which if played, could deliver a more compelling and unique tune.

How can we play the least used part of our keyboard?

I love to tap into 3 main strategies.

1) As positive intelligence teaches us, we can use our saboteurs* to reclaim our strength“ . Saboteurs take our greatest strengths and convert them into our greatest weakness by overusing or abusing that strength.”

Let’s take as an example the pleaser saboteur. If the pleaser is one of your top saboteurs, you are very empathic, loving and giving, tuned into others’ feelings and needs, emotionally self-aware, and with high emotional intelligence. Those are beautiful strengths you can tap into and use to easily connect with others, truly understand their needs, and show up as authentic and generous. These strengths can support you professionally and personally. Wow!

Initially, it can be uncomfortable to become aware of our saboteurs and the negative impact and cost they can have in our life. However, they can also be used to reclaim our natural inner strengths.

2) Mirror exercise : sometimes what gets on our nerves about other people are areas of development for us, marginalized aspects that we unconsciously long for. As ORSC (Organisation, relations, and system coaching) teaches us, our partners become our mirror : what I see in you is really a mirror of myself! For example, I might be triggered by someone who is very relaxed and playful, in truth, their lightness might be something I long for in my life. Consider a personal or professional relationship in your life and notice what aspect irritates you. Then ask yourself how curious are you about bringing that aspect more into your life. Intriguing right?

3) The 2% rule : when someone attributes something to us that we believe is incorrect, there is always at least 2% truth in what they say. If we decide to follow this rule, if we can examine and own that 2% we can integrate successfully marginalized parts of us, become aware of them, and extend our range. Also, this supports us in being less defensive. We are converting a critique into an opportunity for growth. Beautiful!

Marginalized selves are important resources within ourselves that get forgotten with time. It is so reassuring to know that they are still there for us, we just need to reach a little further on our imaginary keyboard by reframing our saboteurs and by learning from our relationships.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I’m always here for you.

Cristina

P.S. Get in touch if you need support with any of the strategies above!

* Saboteurs: inner strategies and thought patterns we developed early in life to protect us from potential emotional risks, that are now outdated.

The secret to long lasting relationships

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 16:18:49 GMT

The secret to long-lasting relationships

Let’s start by reframing the belief that relationships last long when there is no conflict. Rather, the key is to know how to manage and defuse them.

We argue, we disagree, and we enter into conflict daily. If not de-escalated, those discussions end up weighing us down, consuming us, and depriving us of the positive mindset to work and live at our best. Badly managed conflicts can feel like a ticking bomb capable of ruining and breaking our relationships.

In the context of the organization and relations coaching course I’m working on, I’ve been reflecting on the research about relationships by the Gottman Institute: it is the most extensive study ever done on relationship stability, with 40 years of study with over 3000 couples. Despite their study focuses on marital behaviour, their results are applicable to any personal or professional relationship.

In the study, research shows that the secret weapon for a happy relationship is repair attempts. The Gottman Institute defines a repair attempt as “ any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control .”

Examples of repair attempts after an argument or conflict can be an invitation to go and have a coffee from a colleague, an offer to help with a family issue from a sibling, a goofy smile from a partner, a warm cup of tea from your teenage daughter, or a very powerful “I’m sorry”.

The art of repairing includes both making and receiving repair attempts . It takes courage and creativity to make a repair attempt, so it’s very important to notice and acknowledge it. If you’re not quite ready to receive a repair attempt then at the very least acknowledge and thank the other person, and explain that you need some time to calm down.

You can attempt a repair at any point in an argument but it’s best to try to repair early before the parts feel physically and psychologically overwhelmed. Repairing is not an admission that the other party was “right”, it is not about winning the argument.

A repair attempt is an act of generosity with regard to the relationship you share and the bigger context you operate within. It’s about putting your relationship first, it’s not about “you and me” but it’s about ensuring that your relationship wins the fight. This perspective allows to shift the spotlight from our ego, so that we can take a few steps back and see what’s happening with more objectivity.

Of course, trust and respect are essential for the success of the repair attempts. If criticism and contempt dominate the relationship, then the repairs go unheard, the other party withdraws and the conflict escalates and most likely gets out of control.

This is true in every context: romantic relationships, friendships, relationships with family members, colleagues at work, etc

Now, it’s time for my request/invite for you .

In the next few weeks, I ask you to experiment with repair attempts in your relationships.

learn to notice repair attempt from the people around you and try to accept them. As mentioned above, it takes courage and effort to offer attempts, so try to notice them and accept them as an invitation to put on the brakes to diffuse the tension and allow a quick reconciliation.

next time you have a disagreement experiment with the art of repair attempt by getting creative with your very personal way to help your relationship to win over the conflict.

Go and experiment! You will find that more repair attempts will make you spend less time with negative emotions and will help you cultivate healthier and longer-lasting relationships.

Looking forward to hearing your comments and ideas.

Transitioning

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 15:30:35 GMT

Transitioning

We are always transitioning, as individuals, as couples, as families, and as teams.

Transitions are often seen as challenging and scary. After all, we cannot really see what there’s over the edge, over the horizon.

While change is an external event or situation that takes place, transition is the internal shift we make in response to it. In the book “Transitions” by William Bridges, an expert on change and transition, he breaks down transition into three phases:

Endings

The Neutral Zone

Beginnings

These three phases give us the map and the points of reference of where we are when we transition.

Paradoxically any transition has to begin with an ending . Something has changed, there has been a disruption of the status quo and we need to identify what we are losing, what is over, what we can let go, and what we will keep.

Secondly, there is a territory (the neutral zone) that is in between and precedes the new phase. This territory is uncomfortable, it feels like limbo. We are not in our comfort zone there. As individuals it produces an identity crisis, of who I am, in relationships creates uncertainties about who we are and in organization creates re-organization, mergers, and so on. Every time we try something new, even just a new behaviour or a new perspective, we are moving away from what we know and identify with and transitioning into the unknown. In this stage, we are creating new processes and learning what our new roles will be . We often try to rush this stage in between, because the limbo is uncomfortable, but it’s critical to give it time so we can effectively process the ending before moving on to our new beginning.

Finally, Beginnings involve new learnings, values and attitudes. Beginnings are an expression of a fresh identity. Well-managed transitions allow us to establish new roles with an understanding of our purpose, how we contribute, and the impact we have. And a new process starts.

Everything is constantly changing and both positive and negative experiences are part of the process of transition that makes up the story of our lives .

Learning to see any experience as a necessary part of the process, and becoming aware of the inevitable tides of life, is important to create some distance from the story we are telling about a situation (often catastrophizing or feeling like victims) and what the ultimate reality might be.

I want to leave you with a fable from the Tao Book :

“When an old farmer’s stallion wins a prize at a country show, his neighbour calls round to congratulate him, but the old farmer says “who knows what is good and what is bad?”. The next day some thieves come and steal his valuable animal. His neighbour comes to commiserate him, but the old man replies “who know what is good and what is bad?” A few days after the spirited stallion escapes from the thieves and joins a herd of wild mares, leading them back to the farm. The neighbour calls to share the farmer’s joy, but the farmer says “who knows what is good and what is bad?” The following day, while trying to break in one of the wild mares, the farmer’s son is thrown and fractures his leg. The neighbour calls to share the farmer’s sorrow, but the old man’s attitude remains the same as before. The following week the army passes by, forcibly conscripting soldiers for war, but they do not take the farmer’s son because he cannot walk. The neighbour thinks to himself “who knows what is good and what is bad?”

I invite you to reflect on this fable by noticing what this perspective can bring into your life. For me, it brings lightness, a reminder that we are all on our very personal journey and that everything can be turned into an opportunity for growth and for becoming more “me” (self-actualisation).

Finally, try to notice where you might be in your “transition map”, at this moment of your life. Are you in the neutral zone, at the end, at the beginning? Just knowing where you are on the “transition map” will help you to be more present in your experience, to have the courage to let go of the old, to embrace the uncertainty of neutral zone and finally embark on a new beginning… and grow!

Please, contact me if you need support with navigating a particular transition in your life.

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

How to navigate the festive season

Tue, 06 Dec 2022 15:21:53 GMT

How to navigate the festive season?

The holiday season is now upon us, with just a few days to go. How do you feel about it? Excited and looking forward to it or stressed and overwhelmed?

These are very legitimate questions because, despite the common assumption that it should feel like ” the most wonderful time of the year”, for many of us it’s also the most stressful and overwhelming .

At the end of the year, many of us find ourselves battling with conflicting feelings, emotions, and priorities . We may be overwhelmed by family and friends or grieving for loved ones who have passed away. Some people fear having to re-engage with relationships they struggle with or they may be going through challenging transitions in their professional or personal life. Also, being surrounded by people from the past who might not know us as we are today, can be challenging. However, for some people it’s just the opposite: they may not have close friends and family or maybe be reminded of loved ones who are not with them anymore.

In addition to all of this, most of us try to make this time as perfect as possible , to put together a great holiday celebration, to create good memories, especially for the little ones or for those who might be struggling. This leads to more pressure we put on ourselves to complicate an already overwhelming time.

So, how to navigate this expectation-loaded, intense, stressful time of the year?

These are my tips for you :

Start with journaling: we have already talked about the benefit of jotting down on paper our thoughts and emotions. So at the beginning of the festive season, take a few minutes to reflect and ask yourself the following three questions , notice the insights and share them with a friend or a family member, who can hold you accountable during the festive times.

“What do I want and need from the holidays?”

“What do they mean to me?“

“What’s stopping me from having the holidays I wish ?”

Traditions are an important part of the holiday season, they create a sense of belonging, connect us with history and help us celebrate our culture. However, it’s also important to notice that, when circumstances change, they might not serve us anymore and it’s absolutely fine to adjust them or create new ones. What do you wish it was different about the holidays?

Maintain an empathic and open heart . We all have different expectation and wishes. Also, we might have gone through very different experiences during the past year. This is particularly relevant if you and your family are going through grieving of a loved one. The object is not to look for a general consensus, but to respect the needs of the others and make sure yours are also heard.

Keep up with healthy habits . There will be a lot of food, drinks, and conversations. As much as you can, bring in healthy and lighter meals, movement, and rest. This will make a dramatic difference in your mood and will set you up for maintaining a successful routine in the New Year.

Have fun ! It’s so easy to forget to enjoy the holidays. Try to slow down, be grateful for what you have and be in the moment. Be playful, call up the child within you, put aside for a while all your responsibilities and say yes to something fun. Play a game with the kids, go out for an adventure or watch a feel-good movie

Be kind to yourself . This is probably the most difficult one for the majority of us. As you take time to show the people in your life how much they mean to you, let’s take some time to also show yourselves some love. Set boundaries, say no, and ask for help and for what you need!

This leaves me with the opportunity to thank you for your support, for your trust, for making me grow as a person and as a coach, and for allowing me to support you in this beautiful, at times challenging, gift that we all share: our life.

My warmest wishes for a peaceful festive season!

Cristina

Ch Ch change

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 17:49:03 GMT

Change is a constant in our lives.

Inevitably we go through changes, it might be because of external circumstances, new stages of life, or because of our drive and instinct to find new challenges. A promotion, a redundancy, losing someone dear, a relocation, a divorce, or a new relationship, the possibilities for change are endless.

The process of change is a messy one, but it’s also our biggest opportunity to grow and develop as adults and leaders. Yes, we don’t stop growing at 20!

To allow change, the first and vital step we need to work on is uncovering what keeps us stuck. We need to unveil and face the strong and deeply rooted assumptions that keep us stranded. Our innate self defense mechanism becomes outdated with time and we need to challenge it by uncovering its underlying false promises.

But that’s not all, we are not done here. In addition to unveiling the hidden motivations that obstruct our development, there is another equally important exercise to be done to expand our being and allow change. The idea I’m about to share with you has been researched by Herminia Ibarra in her article, “The Authenticity Paradox”.

It might seem confusing and counterintuitive at the start, but here you go.

Being authentic and living in line with our values and purpose is certainly the only way to live a meaningful and happy life. We need to be careful not to approach authenticity too stubbornly and rigidly though. If we don’t allow ourselves to try on new capabilities and skills, because they feel foreign to us, in contrast with how we define ourselves, we run the big risk of missing opportunities for something new, for growth. Ibarra writes that if we stick too closely to our “true self”, if we simply stick to “our story”, we’re limiting ourselves.

Today my tip is actually a game I want to challenge you to play: it’s the “Let’s pretend to” game.

The game is about tapping into your natural ability to imagine and pretend. Like when as a kid you used to pretend to be a teacher, a policeman, a dragon, and so on… Focus on one change in your life you would like to “role play” that requires new capabilities (for instance promotion, a new job, or a new relationship). Now think of a specific person you know whose characteristics are akin to your new role, and use him/her as an inspiration. I’m not saying copy and paste the other person, but creatively imitate, in a way that works for you and fits with you. By approaching your “true self” with more flexibility and adaptability, you are opening yourself up to self-development and you are allowing change.

As always we need to experiment and practice again and again this new way of being and doing until it becomes more familiar and, indeed, a new and genuine part of us!

Change involves courage and hard work.

By playing the “pretend to be“ game and by leveraging our natural ability to “perform” in new ways, we can expand our comfort zone and broaden the space of what feels natural and authentic.

This is how we grow into our future possibilities. This is the essence of growth and the core of adult development.

Have fun!

I'm always here for you,

Cristina

How to create new positive mental habits

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 16:45:58 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

I truly believe this is the secret sauce to a fulfilled life, with less waste of time and energy and more space for self-empowerment and happiness.

Imagine a path in the middle of a field, that was initially just slightly visible and that with time and many crossings, it has become very clear and easy to follow. This image helps us define a mental habit: a thought that we have processed many times, over and over again, until it has become habitual. It feels as if it’s not proactively created, it simply shows up in our minds when certain situations, people, or events trigger it. By constantly processing a thought we create a stronger and more connected neural pathway in our brain that make it easier to access.

By creating mental habits, our brain tries to improve its efficiency: by allowing those habitual thoughts to operate in our brain, we live space and energy for more challenging mental processing.

Human brains have a negativity bias though, which is part of our survival strategy as we continually scan our environment for threats. During our childhood, to respond to our fundamental need for safety, we create responses to possible physical and emotional risks, that with time, become ingrained, habitual, and unchallenged.

Negative thoughts outnumber our positive thoughts daily, and, because of this bias, the majority of our habitual thoughts tend to be negative, and they keep us stuck, prevent us to see things objectively and they also create anxiety and exhaustion.

So, how can we counteract those negative thoughts? Thanks to the concept of neuroplasticity, we know that our brain is not done, it's malleable and, as Dr. Tara Swart writes in her book "the source", we have the power to create new pathways, and overwrite unwanted thoughts with new desired ones.

Here are some tips on how to create new positive mental habits.

Acknowledge that thoughts are not facts: they are predictions, interpretations, and our attempt to make sense of the world, to create a pattern by recalling past memories.

Create a diary of your habitual negative thoughts: metacognition (our ability to think our thoughts) allows us to notice and take some distance from our thoughts. Recognising the beliefs that are detrimental to our own growth and mental well-being is really the first step towards choice and true freedom. Every evening for a few weeks, take notes of what are the negative thoughts that are more recurrent. Notice the trigger, the emotion connected to it, and how you feel in your body when it shows up. By doing this exercise you improve your ability to catch that thought and challenge it.

Reframe it: try to choose a different perspective to replace an old pattern of thoughts! For example, ask yourself what might be the opportunity for you in a situation or challenge (in terms of growth, something new to learn, or skills to strengthen). Recalling past achievements, and experiences that you have overcome, also help you embrace more affirming and courageous thoughts.

Practice, practice, practice! Experiment with your new positive thoughts by reliving past events in your mind and also in your daily life. Brain change happens in phases and it takes repeated effort. Studies have shown that it takes between 2 – 6 months of consistent and conscious training for our brains to acquire a new mental habit and ‘unlearn’ an old way of thinking. It takes exercise, consistency, and repetition. But it pays off!

Self-fulfilling prophecy: this has to be the cherry on the cake! Magically (even though it’s not magic but science), by training your mind to engage more often with positive thoughts, you will start seeing more and more positives in your life. As Dr. Tara Swart writes, "your amazingly, malleable, abundant and agile brain helps you spot opportunities and create and attract untold positive experiences into your life". By cultivating positive mental habits you prime your brain to notice more of what you are positively thinking and aspiring to in your daily life.

We have to remember that:

the way we think determines our lives. A simple but very powerful idea!

It takes patience and consistency, but this is without a doubt one of the most fundamental works you get to do with yourself. Take this opportunity!

If you need support and guidance, I’m here for you.

Cristina

Kindness to yourself

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Mon, 05 Sep 2022 16:42:20 GMT

The past few weeks have been challenging and sad for me. I’ve lost my dear mum after a year of courageous fighting against a very harsh diagnosis. I’ve been trying to work on myself to arrive more prepared for the inevitable moment. The key for me has definitely been to turn this event into an opportunity to grow my ability to self-care, self-compassion, and self-acceptance. There is so much power in these life-changing practices, and I’m sure you would all benefit from reflecting and experimenting with bringing more of it into your life too.

A mistake I struggle with is confusing self-esteem with self-compassion, and the work of Professor Kristin Neff has really helped me to clarify this interesting topic.

It is a common belief that it is good to have a balanced level of self-esteem, that involves a positive evaluation of ourselves. It’s also true though that it very easy to move into dangerous territory when it becomes too low or too high.

The concept of self-esteem has a couple of big limitations, particularly dangerous for the ones who tend to have a hyper achiever or perfectionist streak.

1- Self-esteem fails when it involves a judgment about ourselves: are we good enough, fast enough, rich enough, and so on? The pitfall is that in order to make a judgment you have to inevitably compare yourself to others, often bringing them down, in order to bring yourself up or vice versa, depending on your personality. It’s really about how you stand out among others. This creates separation, arrogance, and often prejudice.

2- Self-esteem fails completely when we fail. If we cannot succeed at something, we start noticing that there is something fundamentally wrong with ourselves. When we don’t succeed in something, when something out of our control happens to us, the ego response is to activate our threat defense system: we attack ourselves with harsh self-criticism, so that we become at the same time the attacker and the attacked. This mindset leads us to a sense of abnormality and makes everything worse by activating negative thought patterns connected with victimism and blame.

Here is when it’s time to call in the power of self-compassion. Self-compassion is not judging ourselves positively, but it’s relating to ourselves kindly. According to self-compassion expert Kristin Neff, there are three main elements to self-compassion:

Kindness: simply treating yourself as you would treat a friend. It seems so easy and natural, but very rarely we actually do that. Instead, we brutalise ourselves with mean words and beliefs and we play them on repeat in our heads.

Common humanity: being imperfect is really what connects us with others! Instead of separating our experience on this earth from the others, common humanity provides us with a bigger picture about how imperfection, failure and grief are common traits of being human. They might touch us to a different degree, at different times, but they are all part of our beautifully human life.

Presence in the moment: we often don’t even notice our suffering and self-criticism because we are so used to negative and damaging emotions and thoughts that they become normality. Mindfulness and validating what’s happening in the present moment allow to acknowledge that we are suffering so that we can give ourselves compassion. It can be painful to allow negative emotions to wash over us, but it passes and then we can move forward.

So these are the 3 tips I would love for you to experiment with:

Treat and talk to yourself as you would with your friend.

Widen your point of view to our common humanity and feel part of it instead of separate and alone.

Be aware of your emotions and thoughts. Remember those are not the sky, but just clouds that are meant to pass by and go.

Finally, by practicing self-compassion you are not being selfish, or complacent. Research from Kristin Neff shows that those who learn to be self-compassionate have less fear of failure and also find it easier to persevere. If we show ourselves kindness and unconditional love, we create a place of safety and strength from which we can pull ourselves up after a fall, sometimes take the more difficult choice, and ultimately commit to live a more fulfilled life.

You are a human being worthy of unconditional love, take responsibility for taking care of yourselves and see what difference it makes.

Please send this letter to anyone in your life that might be going through a tough and challenging time. This might really help them!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

The grass is always green on the other side,,,until you learn to water it better

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 16:37:02 GMT

C omparing ourselves to others is another human trait intrinsic to our nature and necessary to our experience on this earth. Indeed, it is useful and supportive when it motivates us to improve and inspires us to be better human beings.

Unfortunately most often, comparing ourselves with others creates a bunch of negative emotions like envy, frustration and feeling stuck. When these negative emotions arise we tend to lose sight of our story and we lose ourselves in the choices that other people made in completely different contexts. We waste precious time on negative and toxic emotions that just bring us down, instead of investing it in our projects and plans.

Most of the studies done on this subject show that around 75% of participants have experienced envy in the prior year. It seems to be a very common problem to have.

So, here are my tips for you:

We have to remind ourselves that we all have a very unique DNA, we value different things and we are on different paths. we just cannot compare a cherry with a strawberry (sorry, I’ve been eating lots of those recently, hence the reference to them).

Notice when the self-pitying voice of our victim saboteur is triggered and is making us feel uniquely flawed and disadvantaged. The emotions that usually accompany this limiting belief are hopelessness and loneliness. If possible avoid or prepare yourself for those situations, people or places that trigger your comparison thoughts and also label those beliefs as lies and set them aside. Instead, focus intentionally on more supportive and encouraging thoughts.

Take some precious time to revisit your coordinates (values) and to fire up your why. Also practice gratitude. The strength and energy we get with these simple exercises really have a big positive impact on the way we shift and choose our thoughts.

Compare yourself inwards: The only real competition we should have is who we were yesterday. We can see real growth through reflection and we can give ourselves a very well-deserved pack on the back for our growth and development. We need to be proud of our story, the challenges we have overcome, the easy bits, and the most difficult ones. It’s our unique path and we need to stand proudly on it.

Use the people you look up to as a guide. Ask for questions, advice, and wisdom. Make them your mentor. By choosing them and “using” them, you are more empowered to stay focused on you and make them the “signal” of where you need to concentrate. Be vulnerable enough to show your curiosity and interest instead of being crushed by negative comparisons.

And finally, of course, social media can play a very negative role in this matter. When we scroll down the pages of our favourite app, we tend to forget that we are simply comparing others’ curated exterior life with our most vulnerable inner world. This seems simply very unfair to me! So be selective with the people you follow and be mindful of the time you spend on social media.

If you can take away something from this note, this would be it: the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself! Focus on growing from within, being kinder, more resilient, authentic, and aware of your own path.

Every minute spent comparing your life to someone else’s is a minute lost on creating your own.

So, let’s say yes to being inspired, motived, and guided by others, and let’s say a big resounding NO to be dragged down in a place of hopelessness and waste by useless comparison. We don’t deserve it and we can do better: water our beautiful and unique grass!

I’m going to leave you with this quote:

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you." - Dr. Seuss.

I’m always here for you.

PS: As always feel free to forward this letter to friends, colleagues, and family who might benefit from it, thanks!

How not to take things TOO personally

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 31 May 2022 15:51:06 GMT

How not to take things TOO personally

Very often I’m asked the following questions:

How can I not take things so personally?

How can I bounce off any critique and negative comments that come my way?

Everyone longs to be free from that feeling of being punched in the stomach every time someone shares with them negative feedback (warning: not many people know how to share feedback!), or doesn’t consider our point of view, or attacks us.

Unfortunately, it’s simply not possible to become completely immune from the comments of others or from the impact that others’ negative behaviors have on us. We might manage for a brief period of time, especially when we are completely aligned with our core values and purpose. But it’s simply human to seek approval from others , it’s part of who we are as social beings. It helps us create our own identity.

But there is also some good news: there are some strategies to help us not to take things TOO personally.

Here are the tips:

Remember that it’s not about you! Feedback and critiques are data wrapped in other people’s beliefs. We tend to be egocentric and believe that the world works according to our own rules. Considering that not many people know how to deliver constructive feedback, it really helps to go to the core and to try to see the deeper intention of the other person or the situations that might have influenced their comment and behavior.

The spotlight effect explains how we tend to believe that other people think of us much more than they actually do. So just let it go, stop ruminating about it, the others have already moved on while you are giving away your time, energy and power! Shift the spotlight to more positive thoughts!

When we really struggle to let critiques and attacks get passed us, perhaps they are targeting a part of us that we haven’t been able to come to terms with. Critiques really hurt when they mirror what we believe of ourselves. Then give yourself some empathy and be vulnerable. Don’t give space to your inner judge, instead reflect on how you could accept and see if there are any learning opportunities.

Finally, even though someone might step on you and crunch you up with their words or actions, remember that you are still you , and your worth is still the same. This is probably the hardest thing to believe, but it's true!

If you have a few minutes to spare, I recommend watching the Ted talk by Frederik Imbo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnJwH_PZXnM

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Meaning

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 03 May 2022 15:43:55 GMT

Meaning

Recently, I’ve been researching and reflecting on one of my favourite coaching topics:

the impact that finding meaning in our lives has on our wellbeing and happiness.

I consider myself so lucky to witness over and over again the massive impact that clarifying the meaning we give to our existence has on my clients. It’s really an honour to be able to notice the awareness, the clarity, the strong foundation, and all the opportunities that it provides.

So, what’s it all about?

According to the important work of Dr. Emily Esfahani Smith in “The power of meaning” , meaning has 4 main pillars : belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence. These pillars are all accessible to us, and it’s really worth trying to bring them into our lives and become aware of the impact they have.

Here they are:

Belonging : humans are wired for connection, it was actually a condition for our survival. We all want to be seen, accepted, and loved. Feeling rejected deprives us of meaning. Interestingly, neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman found that heartbreak, rejection, and feeling not liked are experienced in our brain exactly like physical pain. To create close and intimate relationships, we have to invest in opening up to others, create experiences that make ourselves and the others feel seen and that will lead others to reciprocate.

Purpose is the overarching goal that keeps us on track, it permeates all the parts of our life because it’s far-reaching and a level above the commitment and tasks of our daily life. Purpose is about how we can uniquely contribute and impact the world around us, no matter how big or small it is.

Storytelling is the powerful and innate desire we all have of making sense of the world around us. We can see the events of our lives as disjointed, or we can try to see them as part of a grand design, where nothing was ever wasted and where the experiences contribute to creating a “more developed” version of ourselves every single day of our life.

Finally, transcendence is about feeling part of something bigger and you can experience that in the majestic beauty of nature while stargazing, when listening to a beautiful piece of music, or in front of a work of art. It’s about going beyond the everyday and experiencing that sense of profound humility in front of something bigger than us.

You might be wondering, "What are the benefits of working on clarifying our meaning?"

· It gives a sense of direction (not a destination!) to our existence. We end up knowing where we are on the map of our development and we are ready for the growth that awaits us. We become ready to experiment with life to help us travel in the direction we have chosen.

· Having a sense of our meaning brings us closer to the version of ourselves that thrives on love and acceptance instead of fear and judgment . Feeling we have a meaning and knowing its main pillars helps us manage our judge, our inner critic, and gives us the freedom to listen to our own story, to be responsible for our path.

· It helps us to let go of the need to constantly be in control of the complex lives we lead, an unachievable goal that creates frustration and unnecessary pain. By accepting that everything that happens is part of a grand design and by focusing on a direction, instead of a single outcome, we are ready for more possibilities and more attuned to what we really want at a deeper experiential level.

So, my tip for you is to try to notice how these 4 pillars are present in your life and perhaps focus on the one/ones that need to become part of your life with more awareness.

Notice the impact that doing this work has on your well-being and happiness. Be curious and experiment! Perhaps, smile more, listen deeply, write down the legacy you want to live behind in this world (as a reminder for yourself), share with someone the perfect story of your life, spend more time in nature... These are just suggestions, follow your intuition, create possibilities and please let me know how it goes!

I leave you with a quote by Mark Twain:

“The two Most Important Days in Your Life: The Day You Were Born and the Day You Discover Why”

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

A win-win mentality

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 16:33:49 GMT

A win-win mentality

In my practice, I very often come across the concepts of scarcity mindset and its opposite, abundance mindset. Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, both in my personal life and in the life of my clients, how easy is to fall for a scarcity mentality and the costs and waste it brings.

First of all, let’s clarify what we mean by these two opposite mindsets.

Scarcity : as Stephen Covey explains in his best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, scarcity mentality refers to people seeing life as a finite pie, so that if one person takes a big piece, that leaves less for everyone else. With a scarcity mindset, you tend to operate from a place of fear, and it’s hard to truly enjoy the good times when you’re afraid of losing it all.

Abundance : it refers to the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody.

Signs of scarcity mentality:

Envy of the success of other people: Life feels like a zero-sum game. If others succeed you have fewer chances to do the same because the place is already taken, the idea already discussed, the job position filled, and so on.

Being afraid that something bad will happen soon because you focus on the negative and you end up noticing only the challenges and problems instead of the possibilities.

Fear of giving and sharing : if you give to others, you are lowering your chances of getting that slice of the pie.

You tend to see yourself as not enough . Perhaps you are not tall enough, rich enough, clever enough, pretty enough, the list is long.

If you can recognize any of these thoughts and behaviors in your life, then these are my tips to overcome scarcity and embrace abundance in your life.

Avoid comparing yourself to other people and with their achievements! This is so important and life-changing. Instead of focusing on your unfulfilled wants, bring your attention to what you have, your unique values, traits, and strength. Notice the very unique growth path you are on and don’t get distracted by the success that your friends and colleagues might encounter along the way.

Be generous! Give away tips, advice, knowledge, time, clothes, and objects you don’t really need anymore, etc. There is enough for everybody and the more you give, the more will come back to you. I promise!

Believe in something bigger or perhaps simply consider the self-fulfilling prophecy that if you start believing that more abundance and positivity can come into your life, it will actually happen, because your mindset will switch from fear to curiosity, empathy, innovation, and focus.

And of course, if you stumble, if you have a setback, just reflect on what happened, what fear was triggered, and learn from the experience . Good questions that can help to process the setbacks are: what is this costing you? what is the opportunity for me?

People, relationships, businesses, truly everything would benefit by stepping away from scarcity.

A win-win mentality implies that if I win, you don’t have to lose and vice versa. And even if things don’t go as planned, you have the power to find and transform a challenge into a future opportunity. Train your mind to see possibilities instead of limitations . If you can truly learn to embrace this mindset, you are up for a fulfilled and very happy life!

I'll leave with a quote by Rumi:

"We wander from room to room hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around our neck"

I’m always here for you!

Cristina

A new Journey around the sun

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Mon, 24 Jan 2022 16:22:41 GMT

A new journey around the sun!

I am so sorry for the radio silence. Life has brought up a few challenges and I have tried to be compassionate with myself by giving more time to my private life. Despite that you have been on my thoughts, especially considering we have just begun another exciting journey around the sun, which I hope will be full of LIFE for all of you.

Life is unpredictable and the best skill we should all focus on and develop is the ability to create the opportunity from whatever is thrown at us. This is the key for growth, for a fulfilled life, and no regrets.

I find that the best tool we can use to get better at this important skill is:

Gratitude!

I work on gratitude with each and every one of my clients and together we develop strategies to make it a new and lasting habit in their life.

I like to see it as the positive charge we can give to ourselves every morning, a shift that grounds us solidly, and a shield that protects our positive mindset against the challenges of the day.

Most importantly, gratitude is also a way to amplify our “vision” . Our culture pushes us to focus the interest of our growth on ourselves. That’s definitely a very important part of our development, but it’s definitely not the only one. The intention of including others and our relationships in our growth project puts us in the position of giving back with generosity. Focusing on the kind of impact we are having on the people in our life makes our journey much richer and complete.

In Positive Intelligence, empathy is one of the powers of our sage (our best self) and usually the first one we start working on. Empathizing with others, connecting, and belonging, are our most important needs.

So here is my tip/request for you:

When you think about your New Year resolutions, from a place of gratitude, try to give more space and attention to the relationships in your life . How do you want to show up with the people at work and at home? How can you use more empathy and less judgment? How can you deepen a connection? Who can you support that is in a more difficult position than yours? Take some time to reflect on these points and perhaps take some notes in your journal about where you want your focus to be.

I leave you with a quote from a coach I very much admire:

“I think one of our lifelong pieces of work here as humans is to keep scrubbing out the dust and debris that we’ve each accumulated that blocks our capacity to love. “ Tara Mohr

I’m always here for you!

Cristina

My manifesto, my gift

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 02 Dec 2021 10:58:19 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

My manifesto, my gift

In a recent conversation, I’ve been asked: “What really is the core of your coaching?"
Without any doubt, my answer has been: “Rediscover yourself”.
My coaching is not about changing who you are, but learning to set aside the fear-based behaviors and strategies that dominate your life, and get back the space to be you. This is really the core of my work, my manifesto and the biggest gift I want to give to my clients.

Due to the fears of not being enough, of not belonging, of not being accepted, and ultimately not being loved, we end up acting and performing instead of simply being authentically ourselves. Our lifestyle, our culture always push us to be a better version of ourselves in terms of appearance, style, status, work performance, sports performance, and so on.

A natural and healthy instinct to grow and improve turns very often into a crazy race to achieve and win for the sake of being recognized and be seen, instead of fulfilling our dreams and deep aspiration.
By disarming those fear-based mental patterns, by unmasking them, we become aware that they are not the norm and we can switch to be bravely and authentically ourselves. Also, we can always try our best, OUR BEST. And know that is enough. This is what I call active acceptance.

Early on in my coaching program, I guide my clients through an exercise called “peak experience”. The idea is to choose one moment in our life when we felt tingling with excitement, completely unpreoccupied about what others were thinking of us, completely alive and simply ourselves.
My request today is for you to find 5 minutes to close your eyes, get centered by using your breath, and find this peak moment. Try not to be too rational, just let the emotions and instinct do the work.
When you have chosen the peak experience, I want you to notice what you were feeling, what you were doing, the purpose of it, and the values you were honoring.

In addition to creating more clarity and awareness about these points, usually, the main and biggest realization and learning is that in that very special moment when you feel so full of life, when you find life is easy and “light” there is no space for fear. You are not driven by strategies created to protect you from emotional risk and pain, but you simply follow your purpose and your love for life.

To help my clients rediscover who they are, the first step is becoming aware of the distorted manifestations of fear like lack of fulfillment, jealousy, perfectionism, and hyper-achievement. By recognizing that they are not the norm, it’s possible to weaken them and give space to our real potential. This process brings more happiness and resilience and life gets fuller and easier.
What biggest gift could we get?

This is my manifesto, my purpose and I’m honored to be able to share it with you.
I’m always here for you,
Cristina

Relationships

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 09:51:23 GMT

Relationships

In the last few weeks, it has been great to finally experience more frequent social interactions: perhaps due to a complete or partial return to the office, more social events and in general a more normal social life.

After many months of social isolation and remote working, I think we all have a great opportunity at our hands to rethink what we want to get out of our professional and personal relationships and what might be the best way to make them more authentic, trustful and enriching.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that relationships issues at work or at home come up often in my practice. We are first of all social beings, who need to belong to a group, who need to share life experiences, who need to feel they matter to others. To connect is ultimately why we are here. Often though, relationships are tainted with mistrust, communication problems, and the inability to go beyond the position of others. This leads to negativity, a lack of productivity, and life-enriching opportunities.

How can we grow the skills to give us a better chance to maintain and foster strong and lasting relationships?
Today I want to offer you three tips that I find very useful and powerful.

Generosity in assuming the best intention: this advice comes from the book “Braving the Wilderness” by Brene' Brown. It is really hard because of the way we are naturally wired, but the idea is to try to give the benefit of the doubt when we find ourselves in a conflict. Try to add a step before jump to conclusions based on your assumptions and perspective. It’s just an extra step, a pause you take, a possibility you consider, but it has a huge impact on the others and it’s so trust-generating.

Innovation: Positive Intelligence teaches a practice called the “yes…end” game, that can be used to help reduce tensions in relationships. The idea is to shift from believing that we are always 100% right and the other person 100% wrong, to the possibility that the other person can actually be at least 10% right. With this practice, we try to find the 10% right in the other person argument (the yes part) and then build on it, innovate (the end part). Focusing on the 10% right will make the other person feel heard and a positive cycle of innovation will start.

Empathy for others: empathy is the antidote to judgment. Try to step into the other person’s shoes and really see the situation from their perspective, from their fears and aspirations. This will help to stop the urge to judge and instigate a negative exchange cycle. We need to be curious and willing to explore what’s really happening on the other side of the argument.

It's now time to experiment with these tips in the next few weeks! I know it’s not easy, I know it’s about creating very new mental habits, but know that every time you try and every time you are conscious about a new way to relate with others, you are a little bit closer to creating a new way of creating deeper and better relationships in life. Definitely worth a try!

I’m always here for you!
Cristina

Be in charge of your time!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 14:39:12 GMT

Be in charge of your time!

I really hope you all managed to recharge during the summer break, taking the opportunity to have some fun and, most importantly, be present with it!

I’m pleased to report back that I did, and that it’s now my intention to be mindful in the way I’m settling back into life. I want to focus and get better at being in charge of my time and how I manage it in a way to guarantee space and time to recharge, take care of myself and “play” more.

I want to share with you a simple 3 steps technique to become more efficient, to waste less mental energy and to be productive in your life. The main research on Time Blocking was made by Professor Cal Newport in his book "Deep Work" and the first adapter of this method of organizing your time was Benjamin Franklin!

This is my take of the three steps to be in charge of your time:

List your activities, all of them! On a weekly base create a list of the activities that you have to complete during the week. My advice is to include leisure activities, family time, self-care time. Many studies proved that things have much fewer chances to happen if they are not scheduled! Your life is made of 4 main sectors: work, love, health and play. Consider all of them when you work on your list!

Task batching: group similar activities together. This is a crucial step. Try to organize your activities on the basis of the mental resources that you require to accomplish them, for example creative, analytical, strategic, organisational and so on. This will allow you to waste less energy in deciding what you have to do and in continuously switching mind resources (for example from creative to analytical and back again).

Time blocking: block parts of your day, and different days of the week, to accomplish different task batches. So, instead of an open-ended list of to-dos that you tackle as you can, you have a precise block of time during your day to dedicate to a specific group of activities. At the end of each day you can readjust the remaining of the week’s schedule based on the activities that you didn’t manage to do or new ones that come in.

What will you achieve by following these steps?

It will help you to be focused and more efficient.

It is also a good cure for all the perfectionists among us. When the time allocated to a certain activity is over, it’s easier to accept that “Good enough is enough”.

Finally, you become more aware of your time, you will get better at estimate the time needed and more conscious about taking on too much.

Remember that this technique is just a tool that is designed to help you. It’s FOR YOU! It doesn’t have to be rigid. You can always readjust it if you notice that the time allocated was not right. Perhaps create a “time cushion” to allow for possible misplanning.

So, open your favourite calendar app or grab a piece of paper, follow the steps mentioned above and start being in charge of your time to work, love, be healthy in your mind and body and play and have fun!

I’m always here for you!

Cristina

Shift!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 22 Jul 2021 14:33:36 GMT

Shift it!

How often do you live your life in reactive mode? How often do your mood, your actions and your choices come as a reaction to events that happen in your life?

On the contrary, how often do you take a stand before a specific outcome unfolds? How often do you choose first who you want to be and do and see the impact your choice has on the situation you are dealing with?

The majority of us tend to react. It seems to be natural and normal. Here’s a very simple example: if something good happens, we smile, and if something bad happens, we frown.

What if you could take a stand first in a given circumstance and see the impact that it has on the situation you are dealing with? Let me explain better. The idea I’m trying to share with you is about creating a new habit, a new tool in your toolbox. If you know you are about to face an event in your life, “the shift” would be to anticipate in your mindset and in your body how you want to live it. The shift is about choosing first how you want to be in the specific context and then see what the impact is, what are the possibilities that shifting first has created for you.

My request for you is to “activate” your life by starting with a simple and powerful exercise:

Use you smile!

Your smile can be a way to create this new habit. You will be surprised by how a simple body movement like the hint of a smile could dramatically impact the way you face the situations and challenges of your life.

Based on somatics, your body sends information back to your nervous system and influences deeply the way you see and choose to face circumstances. If you want to get deeper in this fascinating topic, have a listen to this Ted talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are/transcript?language=en by Amy Cuddy (Social Psycologist). The main message is that our body can change our mind, our mind can change our behaviour and our behaviour and change our outcomes.

Try it and let the magic work.

So this is my tip for you: smile first and see what happens next! Make it a new habit. Try to spend as much time as possible in active instead of reactive mode. Become a shifter in your life. Give it a try!

Contact me if you need support in any aspect of your life and if you have any doubts or questions.

Be safe out there, stay healthy and make the most of your summer!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Summer times

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 14:21:27 GMT

Summer times

I know my school days are long gone, but at the beginning of every summer, I cannot help noticing that magic feeling of excitement in anticipation of a change of scenery (hopefully!), a break, more time with loved ones, more fresh air and good times!

Growing up, this amazing feeling was always overshadowed by the knowledge that this bliss would soon come to an end, leaving a sense of unpreparedness for what was next.

What I’ve learned through the years is that there are ways to ground that summer magic into a more purposeful plan to arrive at the end of it with the right mindset to tackle what’s next.

Do you experience the same feelings? If so, read on.

Here are my tips:

give yourself permission to actually have a break by giving it a purpose: RECHARGE! Listen to the needs of your body and mind and allow yourself to top up your tank with some self-care and self-love. Be creative in the way you are going to take care of yourself, just make it the focus of your break. You deserve it! If you are not in a position to take a few days completely off, just plan in your diary an hour every evening when you are officially off (perhaps by switching your mobile off, by exploring a new hobby, or an old one, by connecting with your loved ones…).

use this time to reflect on what you have achieved in the past few months and on possible areas of opportunities. The time of reflection is an important part of my coaching program and it should be an important part of our lives. A bit like a pit stop in a driving race. Look back at what you have achieved and readjust your focus towards new goals. Journaling is a great habit to introduce to take on reflection times.

To create a meaningful place where to land when your break has come to an end, go ahead and book a complimentary, totally free and on-the-house session with me! The whole idea of the call would simply be to check if we fit as human beings and to show you how coaching could support you and bring sustainable and lasting positive change in your life. To contact me send me an email here cristinanespolicoach@gmail.com or via my website https://www.cristinanespoli.com/contatti.

So, this is me wishing you a lovely and purposeful summer. I will be back to you shortly with new and helpful tips!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Is it really a problem?

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 10 Jun 2021 14:10:20 GMT

Is it really a problem?

Do you feel that sometimes you are focusing your attention and energy on a particular situation or problem that doesn’t seem to resolve in any possible way? Does it feel sometimes that it’s like banging your head against the wall over and over again?

A very important part of coaching and, more generally, of our life, is learning to “ name the right problem ”. By naming the problem, I mean clearly identifying a situation in our life that we can actually do something about.

It might seem trivial, but I can assure you that it happens very often that, without realising it, we get stuck into a situation we are trying desperately to figure out, that we genuinely cannot do anything about.

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans describe this situation brilliantly in their book “Designing your Life”. The fun example they use is about someone complaining about a problem they have with gravity, yes the force gravity. It makes everything hard, it makes them feel heavy, it follows them everywhere and it makes riding a bike uphill almost impossible. "Can someone help?"

Even though a bit extreme and silly, this is the perfect example of the kind of trap we happen to fall into quite often. Basically, we focus on something that it’s simply a circumstance , a fact of life, we cannot do much about.

So, how can we make sure if we are facing a very difficult and challenging problem we can fight for, or a “gravity” one, we cannot do anything about?

Here is the tip from Bill and Dave. Ask yourself the simple question: “ Is this problem actionable in any possible way? ”

If the answer is no, then the best course of action is simply to accept it, acknowledge it as a fact of life. Stop wasting your focus and energy on it, stop banging your head against the wall (...ouch!), free yourself and give space to the possibility of creating a new way for you!

To give you a more concrete example, a common concern I get from my clients is the problem of re-entering the workforce after a few years out.

It’s a fact that employers tend to steer away from candidates that have been unemployed for a few years. This is a situation that happens and that is out of our control. It’s a fact. The moment we accept this, we free ourselves from the limitation of seeing the circumstance as a problem and we finally use our energy to check in on what we really want now, on how we have grown during this time and on what we have learnt. We can reframe (this step is easier with the help of a professional) and create a new path to exercise our freedom, our own way!

This is my request for you.

Notice if there are any gravity problems in your current life. If you think you might have a few, name them as “facts”, notice they are life circumstances and ask yourself the following questions:

What are my deepest aspirations at this time in my life?

What new perspectives can I create and develop?

What can be actionable?

Best of luck!

I’m always here for you,

Cristina

Permission to do less!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 26 May 2021 10:58:02 GMT

Permission to do less!

Hey there!

We all lead a very “full-on” life. Every single day we need to attend to many responsibilities, deadlines, appointments and duties. Often the busy-ness becomes overwhelming and it leads to burnt-out and physical and mental exhaustion. We spread ourselves thin and then feel that we are failing on one front or the other, be it kids, partners, work, health, or social life.

For the pleasers and hyper achievers out there (and I include myself in the group), things can be even trickier because we tend to make our lives even “busier” for ourselves. We are afraid of the consequences of saying no and we convince ourselves that “no pain no gain” is a good mantra, so we need to push ourselves hard.

In addition to these internal saboteurs, we are also externally conditioned by a culturally accepted belief that busy is good and even commendable .

Do you feel that you often struggle with time and energy? Do you feel that you need more hours in a day to go to the bottom of your to-do list? Do you often feel drained?

Then, read on! Here are my top tips for you:

Let’s start with the bigger picture. What really matters to you in your life? Be honest. There is no right or wrong. Your family, success at work, health, exercise, cooking, socialize…When you know, write it down and declutter your life from what doesn’t really matter (browsing the internet, social media, ..hint, hint!)
To have even more clarity, create a list of what activities in your daily life give you energy , positivity and make you feel charged up. Create now a list of the tasks and experiences in life that drain you and make you feel disengaged. Notice how much time you allocate to the first list, and how much to the second. How can you rebalance the time between the two?
To help you with step 2, when you are looking at the second list, ask yourself if it’s really something that needs to be done. And if the answer is yes, ask yourself if some else could do it better than you and without feeling drained by it. Delegating is a win for you and the others : it leads to more efficiency and also empowers others. Note that this is as valuable in the office as it is at home!
Schedule in ME TIME . Write down in your diary the appointments you want to have with yourselves to recharge. Prioritize them! In the entry, write down your name and the activity, be specific. Maybe is a coffee break, or a run, or a call to your parents. Be deliberate about what this time is about. And remember to schedule it in!

How does it sound? Time for some action now . It will take just a few minutes, work on the points above and I promise you will get back energy, time, and experience more sense of purpose and happiness.

Please, write me back to let me know if the permission to do less has actually helped you to LIVE more!
I’m here for you,
Cristina

Let's reset

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 13 May 2021 15:29:19 GMT

Reset

Hey there!

In the past few days, I’ve been working on a personal reset. With the reopening of life and social activities and the memory of a long lockdown still fresh in my routines and habits, I found myself longing for more clarity about a way to blend what I actually enjoyed and liked during lockdown and the newly rediscovered freedom to reshape my life.

I felt the best way to find more clarity was doing some foundational work on my values. This a very important part of the work I do with my clients. I really believe is a step that cannot be missed.

What are values? Values are what really, deeply matters to us. Values are our internal compass that always reminds us who we are and also alert us when we are out of track. I also see them as our foundation from where to move, live, choose and grow. So, they are definitely an important part of our essence and they deserve some of our time and attention.

I had a great session with my coach (yes, even coaches need coaching) last week, where I reaffirmed my top values of honesty, authenticity and family and rediscovered a set of “new” values that I hold as highly important but that I’ve been struggling to honour fully. Here they are: self-acceptance, creativity/fun and trust.

With this exercise, I now stand on a firm foundation that helps me decide what to prioritize, how to choose and where to improve myself. I know that by bringing those values more into my life will give me more intention, focus and …happiness.

In a way, it’s really like decluttering our mind from the many thoughts, false priorities and emotions that bring us far from our core. How? By shedding light on what matters at a more authentic and fundamental level.

I would love for you to commit to a few minutes of work on resetting your own values. Trust me, it will pay off big times.
Here we go. Take a piece of paper and try to answer the following questions. Don’t overthink.
What energizes you in your working and personal life?
What’s missing in your life that would make it more fulfilling?
What lights you up?
What makes you angry?
What do you want to be remembered for?
What values you absolutely must honour, or part of you dies?
Now circle the five values that really stand out for you and finally rate them from 0 to 10. Notice how you are actually honouring them in your work and private life.
Time now to focus on those with a low rating. Those values make you tick but for some reason, you struggle to live by them in your current circumstances.
What might be the small change or the new habit that you can create to bring that value back into your life in the next couple of weeks? And don’t think your answer, do it! Taking action is essential to change!

I really cannot wait to hear back from you! Let me know how it goes!

I’m here for you!
Cristina

People-pleaser

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 11:34:56 GMT

People- Pleasing

The “need to please” is a very common behavioral pattern and the main characteristics of the “people-pleasing” attitude are:
trying to make everyone happy, to be thoughtful, nice, helpful, to flatter and to be “wonderful” all the time.

Fundamentally, pleasers need to be liked by others and need assurance that they are accepted and loved.

Pleaser is one of the 10 saboteurs in the Positive Intelligence framework and it seems to be more prevalent in women.
Like any other saboteurs, the strategy of the pleaser is to push us into a certain behaviour with a promise that, in reality, turns out to work against us. In particular, the lie of the pleaser is that, by behaving in this way, “you are a good person” and “you are doing it selflessly”.
The problem is that this is a false promise that has a high cost in both our personal and professional lives.

By following this adaptive strategy we end up not being able to express openly our own needs and feeling resentful and angry if our actions are not reciprocated. Our anger gets repressed because it would not please, and instead, it builds up inside us. Also, we burn out, we tend to spread ourselves too thin and we tend to jeopardize our own self-care.
People-pleasing can also be detrimental in our careers. It leads us to struggle with delegating because of our desire to be helpful, wanted and to be liked. The effect is that others become dependent on us and are unable to grow and develop. Also, our productivity is hindered by the constant “distracting” tasks we take on to…please!

So what might be some helpful strategies out of this common and unconscious expression of our safety instinct?
Here are my 3 top tips and steps:
1- Say YES to what’s important to you, to what you really care about, to where you want your energies directed to. Don’t follow old narratives about how you want others to see you, or how you think others want you to be: “I’m the kind of person that…”, “I will never behave like…”, etc. Notice that you are not in this world to please others.
2- Say NO to distracting tasks that derail you from your purpose and overwhelm you. Notice that saying no is not a threat to your safety but it’s healthy and one of your rights. Also, learn to ask for what you need. It will not burden others, on the contrary, you will gift them with the ability to be helpful and kind, and we all crave the desire to be useful.
3- Once those two points are clear and you have set your priorities and boundaries, then go ahead and honor your beautiful self by giving and serving unconditionally . When you are true to yourself, when you are not pushed by fear, you will see that there won’t be room for resentment, anger and burnout anymore. Choose the joy of giving!
Finally, remember that “people pleasers” are caring, emotionally intelligent, loving, emphatic and giving human beings. These are unique talents and strengths and it’s on us to use them to support ourselves in our journey instead of creating obstacles, anxiety and burnout!

I'm a pleaser too and the steps above have helped me enormously. If you feel you have some of the pleaser traits, try to use them in your personal and professional life and let me know how it goes!

I'm here for you,

Cristina

The power of habits

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 14:12:06 GMT

The power of Habits

This is such an interesting topic and something I work quite a lot on with my clients.

I love to see habits as the unit of our development. The habits we manage to sustain create the practice that will support us beyond the goals we set for ourselves. Habits really become the framework we can rely on for our progress and growth, to become more our true self and less our limiting beliefs.

What are the secret ingredients to create and sustain a good habit?

1) Notice what is your WHY . What is the self-care motivation that is pulling you to commit, work and fall in love with a particular habit? What is energizing you about this habit? Where’s the joy? You are not looking for a “should” or a “push”. You don’t want your limiting beliefs to guide you and to make it a duty and a burden.
2) Notice what is your WHO . This concept is explained beautifully in the international bestseller “Atomic habit” by James Clear. In his book the author presents the following strategy: decide the person who you want to be, focus on the aspect of your identity you believe in, and prove it to yourself with small wins, with consistent action, bit by bit. The two steps reinforce each other and create a safe and solid strategy.
3) Choose your WHAT ! Choose and focus on the values and beliefs that can support you in getting closer to becoming your WHO. It has to feel like you are doing the right thing. More precisely YOUR right thing. By doing this, you will also notice that a major change is never required because you will be “acting” and “being” according to who you are already!

So, can I challenge you in trying this approach with a habit you are trying to create in your life?

Try to reflect on these steps:
Why do I want to create a specific habit in my life? Example: I want to feel better within my body, I want to contribute on a specific topic etc…
Who do I want to be? Example: a healthy person, a runner, a writer etc…
What values would I be honouring? Example: self-care, resilience, creativity etc
Let me know how it goes!

I’m here for you,
Cristina

Self-confidence!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 18 Mar 2021 15:06:31 GMT

Self-confidence!

So many of my clients come to my practice asking for the magic formula to help them deal with their confidence issues. They wish they could be more assertive, stop double guessing their choices, feel competent in their role as a professional or as a parent, not feeling an impostor, a fake, and so on.

Unfortunately, lack of self-confidence is a very common and universal problem. The cost of doubting ourselves is enormous. So many times, energy and opportunities get wasted and we miss out on precious moments of joy and fulfillment in our lives.

The good news is that finding the magic formula I mentioned above is not impossible and I dare say, quite straightforward. In a nutshell,

it’s all about learning to choose which voice inside our heads we can trust.

There are other clever and effective strategies we can also implement, like making a list of our past accomplishments, successes, and strengths, but I know we need to start from the following profound, effective and powerful strategy to help us manage and overcome our self-doubts.

Here are the main steps:

Learn to recognize the saboteurs’ voice in your head . “You are not good enough”, “you are faulty”, “You are small”, “You are not ready yet…”…ouch! Those thoughts hurt you, create negative emotions, they feel as if you haven’t really created them, they are mean, they don’t look for a solution and finally, they stop you.
Notice that those thoughts are not you! Separate them from yourself . Learn which voice to trust and which one to set aside and not be directed by. Go for the thoughts that look for solutions and opportunities with creativity and innovation.
The freedom to choose which voice to listen to and also to let go of the external expectations creates room for self-acceptance and self-love . Self-doubt melts away and we gain clarity about who we are at our core.
Decisions become easier because we learn to see them as possibilities and opportunities. We find the courage to move forward and reach for our goals with a sense of presence, calm, authenticity and focus.
Accept that those thoughts of self-doubts will keep on showing up, but as long as you pick the right voice to trust, you are free to be you , to clarify the direction you want to move towards and commit to it!

It’s beautiful to see this process unfold and I feel so privileged to see it happen.

It can be difficult to work on the “magic formula” on your own. Please reach out if you’d like to explore the possibilities that you might be missing out on, because of your self-doubts. With my coaching and the positive intelligence program, we can get there together. It’s really a journey worth taking!

I’m here for you,
Cristina

Letting go! (actively)

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 14:51:59 GMT

Letting go! (actively)

Some way out of lockdown has been planned (at least in the UK!) and hopefully, we’ll soon all enjoy more freedom and social interaction. However, in the past few days, I’ve been feeling a bit tired and overwhelmed.
To re-centre myself I’ve worked on my mental fitness and explored the most important life-changing shift that I learnt from Positive Intelligence:

the shift from controller to surfer.

Probably the best way to explain is by sharing the metaphor that Shirzad Chamine uses to describe the importance of letting go of our innate controlling bias in life: the surfer metaphor.
If life was about reaching the shore from the middle of the ocean, the best, actually the only way to get there, is to learn to ride the waves that the ocean and the wind bring to us, instead of trying to fight the waves to stick to a specific direction we have planned. We just cannot control the waves, it’s a challenge we cannot win. In the same way, we cannot control life. There, true and simple. It might hurt saying that, because it creates panic and we might even try to convince ourselves, once again, that if we actually try hard enough we could (saboteurs’ lie).

The only way is to shift from controller to surfer and try to become the better surfer we can.
This is the ultimate goal for happiness. Once you really get it, life becomes lighter, easier and more fun!

The key is also learning to let go of what might have been. The key is to stop thinking of other waves that might have brought us to our initial destination, perhaps quicker and more efficiently. We cannot hope for a better past that we cannot test, while we waste energy and time better spent focusing on our present and future. We would deliberately compromise our happiness.

So, how do we let go? How do we stop our controlling bias?

Here are my tips:
Accept that the promise that “if you work hard enough, things will always go as planned” is a saboteur’s lie. We know it’s a lie because otherwise we wouldn’t feel anxious and stressed all the time!
Know that the wisdom inside you can create new opportunities once a new path has been taken or a challenge is presented to you. You might not see them straight away, but know that if you access your “superpowers” you can!
Focus on your way, your path, your wave actively. Once you are on it, go for it, knowing that you can always adjust the course. There is no point in looking back, second-guessing, and ruminating. In that mindset, you simply cannot generate creative and innovative opportunities. It’s a lost cause.
Letting go is probably the most important insight to learn and to really internalize to allow ourselves the possibility to become the best surfer we can!

This shift always helps me immensely. I hope it is the same for you!

I’m here for you,
Cristina

Empathy

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 18 Feb 2021 18:46:43 GMT

Empathy superpower

It was self-care day on Saturday and Valentine’s Day on Sunday, so I thought it was a good idea to remind ourselves about one of the main and most important powers we have access to:

Empathy

Exploring empathy for ourselves and others is the first important, and often not easy, step into allowing us the ability to really express our true potential and strength.

Empathy for ourselves

Empathy for ourselves requires our responsibility to attend to our needs first. I’m talking about primary physical needs like good sleep, a healthy diet, and exercise. And also our social needs like deep connection, trust, and sense of belonging.
It’s also the opportunity to create full self-acceptance and experience unconditional love towards ourselves. This frees us up from the need to please and look for the approval outside to validate ourselves and feel worthy. The word unconditional is key. You might think that accepting our flaws might demotivate us, but it’s actually the opposite. Instead of feeling the need to fill a hole we have inside, we can actually concentrate our focus on being creative and innovative to reach our goals and vision.
Finally, it’s the best antidote to our inner critic. The belief of "not being enough" gets discredit and loses its grip on us.

Empathy for others

If we fill ourselves with unconditional love then we can give, really give. No resentment, no second meaning. Give from a place of empathy creates a positive impact on others that would generate a ripple effect on our community. Now more than ever we have the duty to care for each other, to go the extra mile to check on our family, friends, neighbours, and colleagues. We need to know that we are connected, that we can be vulnerable, that we can trust. With all the uncertainties we face every day, we need to know that we have one another.

So here are my tips:
Look after your basic physical needs. Commit to a healthy diet, good sleep, and exercise.
Take really good care of your mental needs (they are equally important to your physical ones!). Commit to spending some time during your day to reset and for a few minutes just focus on a physical sensation: notice your breathing, or scan your body and just notice any tension you might be feeling, without judging. Also practice gratitude, such a simple and life-changing practice. Every morning write down or share with someone something you are grateful for. It might be simply that the sun is up!
When you are trying to figure out a situation, start by asking yourself what would be the most loving thing you could say to yourself. Start from there. If you find it difficult, imagine would what you say to a person you love.
When in a conflict, do a very generous act and try to put yourself in the shoes of the other. Completely. Get into the other’s perspective and see what you can learn about the situation from that perspective.

Best of luck! I hope these tips will help you to recharge your battery first so that you can really go out there and create a positive impact!

Here’s to unconditional love!
Cristina

P.S. A quick reminder that every Monday I start new pods in the 6 weeks Positive Intelligence program for mental fitness. Send me an email if you are interested!

This is the time...to get mentally fitter

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 16:23:20 GMT

This is the time Thi thia

This is the time to…get mentally fitter!

As a Co-active and PQ coach, an essential part of my practice is focused on exposing the inner sabotaging and destructive thoughts that operate in our head, to make space for our inner sage, our true- self. This is powerful and transformational work.

With the pandemic and historical political events occurring, I could hardly think of a more opportune time to invest a bit of our time in taking care of ourselves by working on our mental fitness.

Being mentally fit is at least as important as being physically fit, especially now!

If you are not physically fit, you’d feel physical stress as you climb up a hill. If you are not mentally fit, you’ll feel mental stress, such as frustration, anxiety, guilt, shame as you handle life and work challenges.

Positive intelligence is the science and practice behind mental fitness, and it’s about developing mastery over our mind so we can reach our full potential for performance, happiness, and meaningful relationships. Working together, we learn to dial down our outdated and unrevised survival strategies by intercepting our judge and our main accomplice saboteurs and we learn the tools and strategies to shift to a more positive, compassionate, creative, innovative, and focussed perspective.

This is the real game-changer, this is the only thing that really matters, and this is the time for you to give yourself the chance to get mentally fitter.

I can support you in this work through coaching sessions and a 6 weeks mental fitness program based on the PQ flagship app. It is proven that sustained transformational change requires 20% insight and 80% muscle building. Insights alone can’t counter years of saboteur habits, and the mental muscles are built through the practice on the PQ app that I can offer you.
Positive intelligence research is based on neuroscience, it treats the cause rather than the symptoms and builds the muscles for long-lasting results.
I’ll be so happy to guide you through the most important journey of your life and I’m offering you what you need to start the journey towards being mentally fitter!

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven...” Milton.

Happiness is an insider game.

My challenge for you this time is to get curious about the PQ Program and have a look at https://www.positiveintelligence.com/program/ and https://www.cristinanespoli.com/mental-fitness

I'm here for you,

Crsitina

This too shall pass

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 16:31:44 GMT

This too shall pass

Also this lockdown will end, this is a certainty we can all hold on to.

Whatever the restrictions we are living in, we all feel quite fed up, annoyed, uncertain, afraid and lonely. We have all the rights to feel that way, but the story doesn’t end here.

Firstly, I want to remind you that you are resourceful, much more than you think. If my words are not enough, look back to all the challenges you have managed to overcome in your life. Every single time you have find within yourself a way to survive, to cope and perhaps even to thrive. Maybe by simply asking for help and support.

Knowing that, let’s try this exercise. Imagine you are at the end of the lockdown, looking back, what is the advice you would give to yourself? What is the inner resource you would call upon? What is the opportunities that are there for you?

These are mine:
Use the extra time I have at my disposal to read and learn.
Enjoy my time as a parent: less control and more listening, more being curious about their experiences.
Move my body, indoor or outdoor, no matter what. Enroll an accountability buddy to make my commitment stronger.
Connect one to one with my friends and give and find support in them.

What about you? What would be yours? Take a few minutes to write them down. I’d love for you to share them with me.
This simple and powerful exercise is the tool that supported me the most in the last lockdown. It can give this uncertain time a place in our life that is not wasted and spent in negativity. Give it a try!
I’m here for you!

Best wishes for a meaningful, purposeful and most importantly YOURS 2021!
Cristina
.

You made it!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 16:40:02 GMT

You made it!

We have really been put to a test this year, all of us. So just the fact that you have made it here today, it’s worth celebrating!

These are my tips for you before the holidays start:

- Acknowledge your qualities and strengths. Was it generosity, resilience, altruism, optimism, creativity? Remember who you are and give yourself the chance to live up to it.

- Accept the circumstances and use this strategy:
reframe
choose a new perspective
plan and action

The cost of keep on ruminating on something out of your control is too high, the energy wasted in a negative mindset too much. Give yourself your freedom back by implementing this strategy.

- Find your way for 2021! Explore all the dimensions of life: play, love, work, and health. Let go of the “perfect” work-life balance. Let go of this dichotomy and explore the fact that you can create your very own perfect recipe for a happier life. Your life is not a zero sum game. The key is focusing on quality, not quantity. Where do you want more satisfaction? Where do you want your focus to go in 2021?

And last, but definitely not least, rest, recharge and reset. You need it and you deserve it!

I'm here for you,

Cristina

Feedback

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 16:43:31 GMT

Feedback

Giving feedback is an important art we should all spend more time learning. Receiving feedback though is probably the most challenging and delicate part.

Let’s start with giving feedback.
As parents, leaders, teachers, and friends we often find ourselves in a position to have to give feedback. The key here is not to give a judgment or an opinion, but instead timely and specific information about an event, result, or behavior. Giving example and context is also very helpful. The goal should be to grow the other person and not to judge!

What about receiving feedback? The key is to see the feedback as gift. When you receive a gift you are first of all grateful and then free to use it as you see fit. You can use this perspective once you realize that feedback is simply information and data and it’s not about your worthiness. Feedback tells you about the people who give it and their point of you on the matter, not about you!

Because we are all human after all, things might go wrong in the process of giving or receiving feedback.

If this is the case, these are my tips:

Let go of feedback, or the part of it, that you find not useful to reach your goals and not effective on your performance and growth. You have the freedom to do that once you have clear in yourself the definition of feedback as a gift of information and data.
Remember to claim your achievements. Too often we fall into the trap of expecting that our efforts and results should speak for themselves and also we feel uncomfortable in “showing off” our good work. Promote ourselves should be our responsibility and opportunity. So, find your way to do it and not hide behind the idea that it’s inappropriate, arrogant, or intrinsically wrong.
The aim of feedback is not to boost your confidence. It’s really not! It shouldn’t have this power. If you tend to constantly look to external praise to boost your confidence, then use this as an alarm and an opportunity to work on your internal beliefs, values, and goals. Try to recentre and fill the void you might feel inside with more acceptance and empathy.

I believe this theme is very relevant at this time of the year for most of us.

Empower yourself and remember that feedback is a gift:
give it with the intention to grow and receive it as useful data and information.

I’m here for you if you want to explore this more.
Best wishes,
Cristina

The art of transitioning

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 16:47:59 GMT

The art of transitioning

Transition: “a period of change from one state to another”

Transitions happen all the time in our lives.
Transitions happen in our work life: new role, redundancy, relocation, career change…
Transitions happen in our personal life: parenthood, bereavement, marriage, divorce, illness…
Transitions can take a long time or sometimes change happens so quickly that we have to hit the ground running trying to juggle all those balls in the air.
Transition can be imposed by circumstances or be chosen.

From my experience with my clients, I notice that transitions are often perceived as “something in between the old and new”, of lesser value. While transitioning we tend to live as if we are holding our breath, as if we cannot really be, waiting for the new door to open or to feel at ease, and finally be able to breathe again.
Very often the importance of the transition is overlooked, because the change happens too fast or because it is not seen as major and worthy of attention.

In all these situations, the outcome is always the same:

anxiety, feeling lost, afraid, and suspended.

The reason why we feel that way is that we haven’t given transition the attention and the space it deserves.

What if we could live transitions in our life as a creative time, a place of growth and rediscovery instead?
What if transitions could be seen as the most precious time in our life, where we can clarify our goals and find a way to be more authentic?

These are the main steps to make this scenario possible:
Name it: label it as transition, as a time of change, out of the ordinary.
Acknowledge it: take an imaginary step back and from there look at the path you are on as a place worth being, rich in possibilities. Feel the rocking of your boat and don’t resist it. Allow yourself the time to grieve the past and to open to the new.
Break it down: notice the small incremental steps you need to take to allow the change to happen in an organic way and face them one by one.
Take care of yourself: charge your battery in a time that requires courage and focus. Go back to basic and remember to replenish your body and your soul.
Are you in the middle of a transition now? Or, can you think of one you went through in the past?
Pick one transition and try to apply the steps above and experience the clarity that comes with them.

Let me know how the strategy above resonates with you, and contact me if you need my help! I’m here for you.
Best wishes,
Cristina

Celebrate yourself!

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 11 Nov 2020 16:57:00 GMT

Celebrate yourself!

I don’t think there has ever been a better time to invest some time and energy in celebrating who you are!

Most likely though, the moment you even try, you will get hijacked by your self-sabotaging thoughts and your focus will go to your imperfections and flaws.

To be able to celebrate yourself, you need to separate your value from the external validation coming from your achievements and the praises and comments of others.

A very helpful way to do this is to look at a picture of you as a child, a picture where you can clearly see your essence shining through.
Find a moment of calm and really look at the child in the picture without judgment. Notice him/her. What do you see? What makes that child special? What are his/her gifts? Believe it or not, that child is still in you, that child is a part of you: your essence.

My invitation is for you to create a declaration about who you are using the adjectives that have come out in your mind while looking at the childhood picture.
This is my declaration: I’m good, open, happy, cheeky, and caring.
What is yours? And what would you like to have more of your child essence in your life? What would you like to rediscover and bring more into life?

In the next weeks, use your declaration to celebrate yourself and bring more of your essence into your life. In a few simple words: be more you!

With love,
Cristina

P.S. This powerful exercise is part of the Positive Intelligence work created by Sharzid Chamine. I use this and other powerful exercises to support you rediscovering yourself and creative the foundation for you to flourish and blossom in your own unique way.

Healthy "NO"

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Wed, 28 Oct 2020 17:01:23 GMT

Healthy "NO"

What does “healthy NO” mean?
A healthy NO creates space and time and clarifies boundaries for yourself and for the others around you.
2020 is seriously proving to be quite a challenging year for us all. One of the consequences of the current circumstances is that the various aspects of our lives tend to melt into one another, making it more difficult to have a real break or a real focus on the task we have at hand, be it work, dinner with our family, a hug with our loved one, a chat with our friend or some fun time with our kids. This leaves us very often with a feeling of being overstretched and overwhelmed.
The causes are twofold. On one side remote working and on the other our innate fear of letting people down and not being liked if we use that little word too often.
I think the antidote to this problem can be found in the following statement by bestselling author Michael Bungay Stainer:

“A Yes is nothing without a No that gives it boundaries and form”

By using this perspective, the NO becomes an enabler of the yes you are committed to. The negativity of the NO is stripped away and what remains is the possibility of claiming your Yes. Imagine the boundaries created by the NO as protection to what you have decided you want your focus to be and to what’s important to you.
These are my tips to make this happen:
Schedule it!
If you feel your working hours are becoming longer and spreading into the time you would love to spend with yourself or with others, schedule this precious time in your diary and make it non-negotiable. Make that time real. Any requests that come later get a healthy No.

Make a list of time-sucking habits:
To improve your productivity take an honest look at your daily habits. Make a list of them and then tick the ones that are really draining energy and time from what you really want to be focused on and let them go.

Reframe:
Reframe your No as a gift for you and for others. By saying N), you are clarifying what your priorities are and giving healthy information to the relationship. This brings more transparency and trust. You might be surprised by the effect that your No can have on others. With more clarity about your situation, they may even offer their help instead!

In the next weeks, try to give these tips a go and notice what happens with that negative feeling of being overstretched and overwhelmed.

Good luck!
Cristina

Choice

183:790464769 (Cristina Nespoli) — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 16:04:52 GMT

Choice

One of the most powerful and transformational experiences that I notice in my clients is gaining back the awareness that they can always choose, yes, always!

We very often tend to blame, judge, feel victim of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Life tends to throw us some curveballs that make us feel powerless and unable to move on. That is a very unpleasant place to be in, but, unfortunately, not that uncommon.
The hard truth is that very often you just cannot change those negative circumstances, simply because they are out of your control. The good news is that this doesn’t have to be the end of it. If you can stop fighting those circumstances, you can focus your attention and energy on exploring other ways to look at them.

A great tool to help you with this is your own body. Let me explain. Many studies show that there is a lot of wisdom and information in our own bodies. So, for example, if you shift your body into a certain posture, the associated emotion follows. Isn’t it cool?

Try it! Stand up and assume a superwoman/superman position: back straight, open chest, arms on your waist and look up. Then consider the circumstance you were worrying about and notice what else might be possible for you. Now, perhaps try to lay down and relax. What‘s new are you discovering about your situation now? Notice your emotions and your thoughts.

So, whenever you feel stuck, take back control of your own life, stop fighting the circumstances, and be curious about other possible opportunities, lessons, and inspirations. Remember you can choose simply by creating new different perspectives. You can always choose what to think and feel about it, this is definitely in your power. Then decide and respond.

If you need help with a particular issue in your life right now, I would love to work with you and show you the power of this technique.

Lots of love,
Cristina