Change is a constant in our lives.
Inevitably we go through changes, it might be because of external circumstances, new stages of life, or because of our drive and instinct to find new challenges. A promotion, a redundancy, losing someone dear, a relocation, a divorce, or a new relationship, the possibilities for change are endless.
The process of change is a messy one, but it’s also our biggest opportunity to grow and develop as adults and leaders. Yes, we don’t stop growing at 20!
To allow change, the first and vital step we need to work on is uncovering what keeps us stuck. We need to unveil and face the strong and deeply rooted assumptions that keep us stranded. Our innate self defense mechanism becomes outdated with time and we need to challenge it by uncovering its underlying false promises.
But that’s not all, we are not done here. In addition to unveiling the hidden motivations that obstruct our development, there is another equally important exercise to be done to expand our being and allow change. The idea I’m about to share with you has been researched by Herminia Ibarra in her article, “The Authenticity Paradox”.
It might seem confusing and counterintuitive at the start, but here you go.
Being authentic and living in line with our values and purpose is certainly the only way to live a meaningful and happy life. We need to be careful not to approach authenticity too stubbornly and rigidly though. If we don’t allow ourselves to try on new capabilities and skills, because they feel foreign to us, in contrast with how we define ourselves, we run the big risk of missing opportunities for something new, for growth. Ibarra writes that if we stick too closely to our “true self”, if we simply stick to “our story”, we’re limiting ourselves.
Today my tip is actually a game I want to challenge you to play: it’s the “Let’s pretend to” game.
The game is about tapping into your natural ability to imagine and pretend. Like when as a kid you used to pretend to be a teacher, a policeman, a dragon, and so on… Focus on one change in your life you would like to “role play” that requires new capabilities (for instance promotion, a new job, or a new relationship). Now think of a specific person you know whose characteristics are akin to your new role, and use him/her as an inspiration. I’m not saying copy and paste the other person, but creatively imitate, in a way that works for you and fits with you. By approaching your “true self” with more flexibility and adaptability, you are opening yourself up to self-development and you are allowing change.
As always we need to experiment and practice again and again this new way of being and doing until it becomes more familiar and, indeed, a new and genuine part of us!
Change involves courage and hard work.
By playing the “pretend to be“ game and by leveraging our natural ability to “perform” in new ways, we can expand our comfort zone and broaden the space of what feels natural and authentic.
This is how we grow into our future possibilities. This is the essence of growth and the core of adult development.
Have fun!
I'm always here for you,
Cristina